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A man's walking home late at night when he sees a woman in the shadows.
"Twenty bucks," she says.
He's never been with a hooker before, but he decides what the hell. They're going at it for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them... it's a police officer.
"What's going on here, people?" asks the officer.
"I'm making love to my wife," the man answers indignantly.
"Oh, I'm sorry," says the cop, "I didn't know."
"Well," said the man, "neither did I until you shined that light in her face."

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Joke about girlfriend
Anytime you see a young man open a car door for his girlfriend, either the car is new or the girlfriend is.
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If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is it naked or homeless?

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Quote about life and trust
A truth of life: Only ever trust your own butt to always stand behind you!
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