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TEACHER: Well, at least there's one thing I can say about your son. FATHER: What's that? TEACHER: With grades like these, he couldn't be cheating.
Categories :
Teacher
Do you remember when I asked you to give me your opinion? That's right, me neither. Always be yourself. Unless you can also be a unicorn. In that case, always be a unicorn. What is the similarity between a bar and a bra ? They both drive men crazy when they open. I‘ve been trying to open the bra of my girlfriend for 20 minutes now... I wish I had never put it on.
Categories :
Bra
If you have been struck by a headache, follow the instructions on the aspirin bottle: KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN. Dental-Chair Revelation: Once you have your mouth open, dentists lose the ability to ask questions with a simple yes or no answer. One day, Little Johnny's grandmother sent him to the water hole to get some water for cooking dinner. As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. He dropped the bucket and ran back to grandma's house as fast as he could. "Where's my bucket and my water?" She asked. "I can't get any water from that water hole, there's a mean ol' alligator down there!" "Now don't you mind that ol' alligator, Johnny. He's been there for years, and he's never hurt no one. Why, he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!" "Well, Grandma," replied Johnny, "if he's as scared of me as I am of him, then that water ain't fit to drink!" Q. What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common? A. They're married. Why did the physics teacher break up with the biology teacher? There was no chemistry. I’ve received hundred of responses to my ad seeking a husband, and they all say the exact same thing: "Take mine, please."
Categories :
Husband
What does one lesbian vampire say to the other? Same time next month? Why did God even create men? Because He couldn’t figure out how to make a vibrator that would mow the lawn. Why did God make Adam before Eve? Everyone needs a rough draft before they make the final copy. The last thing I want to do is to hurt you. But we'll get there eventually, once I've gone through the entire list. Of course you're not stupid. You just have bad luck when you think. Some people's x-rays actually look much better than their photographs. A man's walking home late at night when he sees a woman in the shadows. "Twenty bucks," she says. He's never been with a hooker before, but he decides what the hell. They're going at it for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them... it's a police officer. "What's going on here, people?" asks the officer. "I'm making love to my wife," the man answers indignantly. "Oh, I'm sorry," says the cop, "I didn't know." "Well," said the man, "neither did I until you shined that light in her face." boy: spell "me" girl: M-E boy: but you forgot the D girl: there's no D in me boy: not yet;) The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. When you're calling a woman, you need to call her twice. First time to give her a chance to find the phone in her handbag, the second time for her to actually answer. Help a woman when she's in trouble. She will remember you when she's in trouble again. My wallet is like an onion. Opening it makes me cry. Of course I can keep secrets. But the people I tell them to obviously can't.
Categories :
Secrets
What do you call a whore with a runny nose? Full. What’s the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road? There are skid marks in front of the dog. How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood? His hand caught fire. Why don’t women blink during foreplay? They don’t have time. Why do chickens raise one leg when they sleep? Because if they lifted both, they’d fall over.
Categories :
Chicken
What is the definition of Confidence? When your wife catches you in bed with another woman and you slap her on the ass and say, "You’re next!" What’s the definition of “trust”? Two cannibals giving each other a blowjob. How many Freudian analysts does it take to change a light bulb? Two, one to change the bulb and one to hold the penis, I mean ladder. What do women and prawns have in common? Their heads are full of shit but the pink bits taste great.
Categories :
Women
What’s the difference between a blonde and an ironing board? It’s difficult to open the legs of an ironing board.
Categories :
Blonde
What is the difference between men and women? A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
Categories :
Women and Men
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