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next > N 50: Joke about chicken, finger wordplay
Looking at the size of these chicken fingers, that chicken must have been around 8 or 11 feet tall. N 49: Joke about lawyer
A man needing some legal help walks into a law firm.
He asks an attorney:
"If I give you $300 to help answer two legal problems I have, will you help me?"
The attorney replies: "Sure, what's the other question?" N 48: Joke vulgar wordplay
"Mommie, Mommie....did you know that nurses can come apart..?"
"Well...no. What makes you say that..?"
"Because the other night, I overheard Daddy say that he screwed the ass off of a nurse..!" N 47: Joke about headache and children
If you have been struck by a headache, follow the instructions on the aspirin bottle:
KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN. N 46: Joke about cold wordplay
Son: Dad, it's so cold in here!
Father: Go stand in the corner.
Son: Why?
Father: The corner is 90 degrees. N 45: Joke about sex
There are four kinds of sex :
- House sex - When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every room.
- Bedroom sex - After you have been married for a while, you only have sex in the bedroom.
- Hall sex - After you've been married for many, many years you just pass each other in the hall and say "F:::CK YOU"
- Courtroom sex - When your wife and her lawyer f:::ck you in the divorce court in front of many people for every penny you've got. N 44: Joke about husband, wife, penis vulgar
A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough." N 43: Joke black wordplay
How can you tell when a man is well-hung?
When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose. N 42: Joke about secretary, vulgar wordplay
A businessman was confused about a bill he had received, so he asked his secretary for some mathematical help.
"If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?" he asked her.
The secretary replied, "Everything but my earrings." N 41: Joke about dog wordplay
My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away. N 40: Joke about school and teacher
Johnny: Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn't do?
Teacher: Of course not.
Johnny: Good, because I didn't do my homework. N 39: Joke about secretary and sex
Two guys – Jerry and Carl – were discussing the sexy new office secretary. Jerry whispered to Carl: “I dated her last Tuesday and we had amazing sex. I know I shouldn’t say this, but she’s a lot better in bed than my wife.” Two days later, Carl came up to Jerry and said: “I dated the secretary last night and we had sex too. But I still think that in bed your wife is much better.” N 38: Joke about blonde and boss
A boss tells a blonde applicant, "I'll give you $8 an hour, starting today, and in three months, I'll raise it to $10 an hour.
So, when would you like to start?"
"In three months." N 37: Joke about fat
A man goes to a bar and sees a fat girl dancing on a table. He walks over to her and says, "Wow, nice legs!" She is flattered and replies, "You really think so?" The man says, "Oh definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now." N 36: Joke vulgar
A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. “Mother, where do babies come from?” The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.” The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend. “Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?” “Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.” N 35: Joke about scotsman vulgar
A young lady asked the Scotsman what he wore under his kilt. "Reach up there and find out." She did, but quickly pulled her hand back out and said, "Oh, it's gruesome!" "Aye, it has," replied the Scotsman, "and if you put your hand back up there, it'll grow some more!" N 34: Joke about sex
The young fellow is about to marry and asks his grandfather how often a married couple should have sex.
His grandfather tells him, "When you first get married, you want it all the time, maybe several times a day; later on, maybe once a week. As you get older, you have sex maybe once a month. When you get really old, you are lucky to have it once a year, maybe on your anniversary."
The young fellow asks, "How about you and Grandma?"
His grandfather replies, "Oh, we just have oral sex now. She goes into her bedroom and I go into my bedroom. She yells, 'F:::ck you,' and I holler back, 'F::ck you, too!'" N 33: Joke vulgar
The wealthy, high-society mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant, and adversely impact the family's status, she consulted the family doctor. The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful, and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and, until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms. Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the woman told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms. The girl started to laugh and reached over to hug her mother saying, "Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating a woman!" N 32: Joke about god, sperm vulgar
How do we know God is a man?
Because if God were a woman, sperm would taste like chocolate! N 31: Joke about genies and blonde
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here." next >