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next > N 38: Joke about chicken, finger wordplay
Looking at the size of these chicken fingers, that chicken must have been around 8 or 11 feet tall. N 37: Joke about cold wordplay
Son: Dad, it's so cold in here!
Father: Go stand in the corner.
Son: Why?
Father: The corner is 90 degrees. N 36: Joke about lawyer
A man needing some legal help walks into a law firm.
He asks an attorney:
"If I give you $300 to help answer two legal problems I have, will you help me?"
The attorney replies: "Sure, what's the other question?" N 35: Joke about god, men, dildo vulgar
Why did God even create men?
Because He couldn’t figure out how to make a vibrator that would mow the lawn. N 34: Joke about sex
There are four kinds of sex :
- House sex - When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every room.
- Bedroom sex - After you have been married for a while, you only have sex in the bedroom.
- Hall sex - After you've been married for many, many years you just pass each other in the hall and say "F:::CK YOU"
- Courtroom sex - When your wife and her lawyer f:::ck you in the divorce court in front of many people for every penny you've got. N 33: Joke about husband, wife, penis vulgar
A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough." N 32: Joke vulgar
A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. “Mother, where do babies come from?” The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.” The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend. “Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?” “Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.” N 31: Joke about genies and blonde
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here." N 30: Joke black wordplay
How can you tell when a man is well-hung?
When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose. N 29: Joke vulgar
The wealthy, high-society mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant, and adversely impact the family's status, she consulted the family doctor. The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful, and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and, until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms. Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the woman told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms. The girl started to laugh and reached over to hug her mother saying, "Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating a woman!" N 28: Joke about scotsman vulgar
A young lady asked the Scotsman what he wore under his kilt. "Reach up there and find out." She did, but quickly pulled her hand back out and said, "Oh, it's gruesome!" "Aye, it has," replied the Scotsman, "and if you put your hand back up there, it'll grow some more!" N 27: Joke about secretary and sex
Two guys – Jerry and Carl – were discussing the sexy new office secretary. Jerry whispered to Carl: “I dated her last Tuesday and we had amazing sex. I know I shouldn’t say this, but she’s a lot better in bed than my wife.” Two days later, Carl came up to Jerry and said: “I dated the secretary last night and we had sex too. But I still think that in bed your wife is much better.” N 26: Joke about dog wordplay
My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away. N 25: Joke about school and teacher
Johnny: Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn't do?
Teacher: Of course not.
Johnny: Good, because I didn't do my homework. N 24: Joke about secretary, vulgar wordplay
A businessman was confused about a bill he had received, so he asked his secretary for some mathematical help.
"If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?" he asked her.
The secretary replied, "Everything but my earrings." N 23: Joke about jewish vulgar
An older Jewish gentleman marries a younger lady and they are very much in love. However, no matter what the husband does sexually, the woman never achieves orgasm. Since a Jewish wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they decide to ask the rabbi. The rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes the following suggestion. "Hire a strapping young man. While the two of you are making love, have the young man wave a towel over you. That will help the wife fantasize and should bring on an orgasm." They go home and follow the rabbi's advice. They hire a handsome young man and he waves a towel over them as they make love. But it doesn't help and she is still unsatisfied. Perplexed, they go back to the rabbi. "Okay", says the rabbi, "let's try it reversed. Have the young man make love to your wife and you wave the towel over them." Once again, they follow the rabbi's advice. The young man gets into bed with the wife and the husband waves the towel. The young man gets to work with great enthusiasm and the wife soon has an enormous, room-shaking screaming orgasm. The husband smiles, looks at the young man and says to him triumphantly, "You see, THAT'S the way to wave a towel!" N 22: Joke about sex
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand. N 21: Joke about rape, black short
Statistically... 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape. N 20: Joke about women, men
Smart man + Smart Woman = Romance
Smart Man + Dumb Woman = Pregnancy
Dumb Man + Smart Woman = Affair
Dumb Man + Dumb Woman = Marriage N 19: Joke wordplay
I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent.
So I said, "Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?"
One of them snarled at me, "It's Wales, dumbo!"
So I corrected myself, "Oh, right, so are you two whales from Ireland?"
That's about as far as I remember. N 18: Joke vulgar
A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.” This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?” The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.” N 17: Joke about sex and wife
- How do you make your wife scream while having sex?
- Call her and tell her. N 16: Joke about school, little johnny, teacher wordplay
Teacher: "Johnny, what is the outside of a tree called?"
Johnny: "I don't know."
Teacher: "Bark, Johnny, bark."
Johnny: "Bow, wow, wow!" next >