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Lawyer jokes

Jokes : 14 
  Letter : L 

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N 14: Joke about lawyer black
What’s the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
There are skid marks in front of the dog.

N 13: Joke about lawyer and god
What’s the difference between a lawyer and God?
God doesn’t think he’s a lawyer

N 12: Joke about lawyer
I got another letter from this lawyer today. It said "Final Notice".
Good that he will not bother me anymore.

N 11: Joke about lawyer
- How can you tell that an attorney is about to lie?
- His lips begin to move.

N 10: Joke about lawyer
A man needing some legal help walks into a law firm.
He asks an attorney:
"If I give you $300 to help answer two legal problems I have, will you help me?"
The attorney replies: "Sure, what's the other question?"

N 9: Joke about apple and lawyer
If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, how many orchards does it take for a lawyer?

N 8: Joke about lawyer
A lawyer buys a farm as a weekend retreat.
While walking round his new property he looks down and sees that his feet are in the middle of a huge cowpat.
The lawyer starts yelling, 'Oh my God!
Help me, help me!'
His wife runs up and asks what's the matter.
The lawyer points to his feet and screams, 'I'm melting!
I'm melting...!'

N 7: Joke about lawyer
- What's the difference between a lawyer and an undertaker?
- A Lawyer doesn't mind getting his hands dirty while burying his victims.

N 6: Joke about snake, lawyer short
-Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?
-To practice.

N 5: Joke about lawyer and vampire
What is the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
The vampire sucks you're blood only at midnight!

N 4: Joke about lawyer, wordplay short
-What do lawyers wear to court?

N 3: Joke about lawyer, apple black
How is an apple like a lawyer?
They both look good hanging from a tree.

N 2: Joke about lawyer and bank robber
Two lawyers are in a bank, when, suddenly, armed robbers burst in, waving guns and yelling for everyone to freeze.
While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the lawyers, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, and other valuables.
While this is going on, one of the lawyers jams something into the other lawyer's hand.
Without looking down, the second lawyer whispers: "What is this?"
The first lawyer replies: "It's the $100 I owe you."

N 1: Joke about children and lawyer
Why is it that if you give a child an encyclopedia, lawyer is always the third thing they look up?
Because the first thing a child looks up is dog.
The second is snake.
And under snake, the encyclopedia says See Lawyer.

• Group: Professions •
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