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next > N 136: Quote about confession and reputation
Confessions may be great for your soul, but they are hell for your reputation. N 135: Quote about injustice and resistance
When injustice becomes law, resistance becomes duty. N 134: Quote about work and laziness
Hard work pays off in the future. Lolling on the couch pays off right now. N 133: Quote about promise wordplay
Promises are like babies... They're fun to make but hard to deliver. N 132: Quote about computer
The leading source of computer problems is computer solutions. N 131: Quote about stupidity
Everyone has the right to be stupid, but some abuse that privilege. N 130: Quote about snoring
The snorers are always the ones to fall asleep first. N 129: Quote about laziness and problem
It may seem like I'm doing nothing, but I'm actively waiting for my problems to disappear. N 128: Quote about baby and candy
If you're using the phrase "easy as taking candy from a baby", try taking candy from a baby. N 127: Quote about weekend
The first five days after the weekend are the toughest. N 126: Quote about laugh
He who laughs last is a bit of a slow thinker. N 125: Quote about grass and manure
You may think the grass is greener on the other side, but it's possibly because there's more manure there! N 124: Quote about television wordplay
Television is a medium - anything well done is rare. N 123: Quote about stuff
I'm really good at stuff until somebody watches me do that stuff. N 122: Quote wordplay
You have to excuse me, I suffer from emotional constipation. I really can't give a shit. N 121: Quote about turtle
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is it naked or homeless? N 120: Quote about finger short
My middle finger salutes you! N 119: Quote about money
A bag of money can be a symbol not only of wealth, but also of tremendous inflation. N 118: Quote about phone
The only scenario where you really need a land line today is when you're trying to find your smartphone. N 117: Quote about cat
You can train a cat to do anything the cat wants to do at the moment it wants to do it. N 116: Quote about people
It is a fact of nature that light arrives faster than sound. Which is why some people can appear quite bright, until they speak. N 115: Quote about interrupt
I'm very sorry to interrupt you, but you must have mistaken me for somebody who's interested. N 114: Quote about refrigerator
It is what's inside that matters - the fridge is a perfect example. N 113: Quote about money and bank
They say money doesn't grow on trees, but why do banks have branches then? N 112: Quote about laziness
I'm not lazy. I'm just highly motivated to do nothing. N 111: Quote about weather
There is no lousy weather, only lousy choice of clothing. N 110: Quote about optimist
A true optimist is the guy who falls off a skyscraper and after 50 floors thinks to himself - well, so far so good! N 109: Quote about life and trust
A truth of life: Only ever trust your own butt to always stand behind you! N 108: Quote about speech short
Too long speeches lead to no actions. N 107: Quote about marriage and love
If love is blind, then marriage is its spectacles. N 106: Quote about stupidity
Stupidity knows no boundaries, but it knows a lot of people. N 105: Quote about people black
A lot of people are only alive today because the law makes it impossible to shoot them. N 104: Quote about driving
Never drive faster than a guardian angel can fly. N 103: Quote about money
Yes, money cannot buy you happiness, but I'd still feel a lot more comfortable crying
in a new BMW than on a bike. N 102: Quote about people and cat
The more people I meet, the more I like my cat. N 101: Quote about doctor
Just because your doctor has a name for your condition doesn't mean he knows what it is. N 100: Quote about experience
Good judgment comes from experience, and experience ... well, that comes from poor judgment. N 99: Quote wordplay
Everyday is a gift, that's why they call it the present. N 98: Quote about drugs
I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen. N 97: Quote about social
I'm not anti-social.
I'm just not user friendly. N 96: Quote cynical
I wish I could see things from your point of view, unfortunately I can't stick my head that far up my ass. N 95: Quote about russia
I'm really starting to hate these stupid little Russian Dolls. They're so full of themselves. N 94: Quote about vagina short
Another name for a vagina is a cockpit N 93: Quote about men
Men are like guns.
Keep one around long enough and your going to want to shoot it. N 92: Quote about love
She was hungry for love and didn't know where her next male was coming from. N 91: Quote about blonde
She is so blonde, she studied for a blood test. N 90: Quote about erection vulgar
A dog's erection looks exactly like lipstick, but it sure doesn't taste like it. N 89: Quote about penis, women, men vulgar
A penis is like a mans life.....woman make it hard N 88: Quote about drunk
I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly. N 87: Quote about marriage
Marrying a man for his good looks is like buying a house for its paint. N 86: Quote about sex
Sex is like a motor racing - the most important thing is not to save money for best quality rubber. N 85: Quote vulgar
My unit would like to explore your crater. N 84: Quote vulgar
There's something actionable in your pants. N 83: Quote wordplay
All is a shitting, except the pissing, but the pissing becomes a shitting if you piss against the wind. N 82: Quote about women, men
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument N 81: Quote about school
S.C.H.O.O.L. = Seven Crappy Hours Of Our Life N 80: Quote about school
C.L.A.S.S. = Come Late And Start Sleeping N 79: Quote about school and sleeping
If sleep is really good for the brain, then why is it not permitted in school? N 78: Quote about men
Men are like public toilets. They are either engaged or full of shit. N 77: Quote about sex
Sex is more exciting on the screen and between the pages than between the sheets. N 76: Quote about children
Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up. N 75: Quote about wisdom
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. N 74: Quote about growing up
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public. N 73: Quote about war
War does not determine who is right - only who is left. N 72: Quote about men vulgar
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich. N 71: Quote about hurt
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list. next >