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N 20: Joke about sex and wife
- How do you make your wife scream while having sex?
- Call her and tell her. N 19: Joke vulgar and sex
During sex, I suddenly stopped and didn't move. She was like, "What are you doing?" And I was like, "Hush, I saw this on PornHub, it's called Buffering:" N 18: Joke about wife and sex
- How can you tell if your wife is dead?
- The sex will be the same but the dishes will pile up. N 17: Joke about doctor and sex
A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex. The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her that it’s still experimental. He tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner, so that night, she does just that. About a week later, she’s back at the doctor, where she says, “Doc, the pill worked great! I put it in the potatoes like you said! It wasn’t five minutes later that he jumped up, raked all the food and dishes onto the floor, grabbed me, ripped all my clothes off, and ravaged me right there on the table!” The doctor says, “I’m sorry, we didn’t realize the pill was that strong! The foundation will be glad to pay for any damages.” “Nah,” she says, “that’s okay. We’re never going back to that restaurant anyway.” N 16: Joke about secretary and sex
Two guys – Jerry and Carl – were discussing the sexy new office secretary. Jerry whispered to Carl: “I dated her last Tuesday and we had amazing sex. I know I shouldn’t say this, but she’s a lot better in bed than my wife.” Two days later, Carl came up to Jerry and said: “I dated the secretary last night and we had sex too. But I still think that in bed your wife is much better.” N 15: Joke about husband, wife and sex
A man and woman had been married for 30 years, and in those 30 years, they always left the lights off when having sex. He was embarrassed and scared that he couldn’t please her, so he always used a big dildo on her. All these years she had no clue. One day, she decided to reach over and flip the light switch on and saw that he was using a dildo. She said “I knew it, asshole, explain the dildo!” He said, “Explain the kids!” N 14: Joke about sex
Two men were having a drink together. One said: "I had sex with my wife before we got married. What about you?" The other replied: "I don’t know. What was her maiden name?" N 13: Joke about women, men and sex
A man and a woman were having drinks at a business conference when they got into an argument about who enjoyed sex more. The man said, "Men obviously enjoy sex more than women. Why do you think we’re so obsessed with getting laid?" "That doesn’t prove anything," the woman countered. "Think about this: when your ear itches and you put your finger in it and wiggle it around, then pull it out, which feels better: your ear or your finger?" N 12: Joke about sex
Q: Why is air a lot like sex?
A: Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any. N 11: Joke about sex, boys and girls vulgar
I just had an argument with a girl I know. She was saying how that it's unfair that if a guy f:::cks a different girl every week, he's a legend, but if a girl f:::cks just two guys in a year, she's a slut.
So in response I told her that if a key opens lots of locks, then it's a master key. But if a lock is opened by lots of keys, then it's a shitty lock.
That shut her up. N 10: Joke about boss, secretary, sex vulgar
A boss said to his secretary I want to have SEX with you I will make it very fast. I'll throw $1000 on the floor, by the time you bend down to pick it I'll be done. She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend then said to her, do it but "Ask him for $2000, pick up the money very fast he wouldn't even have enough time to undressed himself." So she agrees. Half an hour goes by, the boyfriend decides to call girlfriend, he asks, what happened? She responds, "The Bastard used coins I'm still picking and he is still f:::cking!" N 9: Joke about sex
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand. N 8: Joke about sex vulgar
One night a man and woman went to his house to have sex when he stopped her to say "I still live with my parents and me and my brother share bunk beds so if you want to change positions say "lettuce" and if you want to go faster say "tomatoes"
So they were getting it on and she was screaming "lettuce, lettuce, tomatoes, lettuce, tomatoes, tomatoes"
Suddenly the younger brother (on the bottom bunk) said
"Could you stop making sandwiches you’re getting mayonnaise on me"! N 7: Joke about sex
There are four kinds of sex :
- House sex - When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every room.
- Bedroom sex - After you have been married for a while, you only have sex in the bedroom.
- Hall sex - After you've been married for many, many years you just pass each other in the hall and say "F:::CK YOU"
- Courtroom sex - When your wife and her lawyer f:::ck you in the divorce court in front of many people for every penny you've got. N 6: Joke about doctor and sex
This guy goes into a doctors and says "Doctor, doctor you've gotta help me. I just can't stop having sex!" "Well how often do you have it?" the doctor asks. "Well, twice a day I have sex with my wife, TWICE a day", he answers back. "That's not so much", says the doctor. "Yes, but thats not all. Twice a day I have sex with my secretary, TWICE a day," replies the man. "Well that is probably a bit excessive," says the doctor. "Yes, but thats not all. Twice a day I have sex with a prostitute, TWICE a day," says the man. "Well, that's definitely to much", says the doctor. "You've got to learn to take yourself in hand." "I do", says the man. "Twice a day." N 5: Joke about sex
At the ripe old age of 77, grandpa had decided to marry a young girl of 20. Grandpa's doctor tried to explain that at his age sex with a young girl could be dangerous, even fatal. Grandpa, not the slightest bit perturbed replied "Oh well, if she dies, I'll just get myself another one." N 4: Joke about sex
A man is driving down the freeway when he sees a sign that says; "Get gas and free sex here". So obviously the guy was interested, so he stopped, filled up went inside to pay. "Pick a number from 1 - 10 to get free sex." said the cashier. "Uh, okay, 3!" the man replied. "Nope! Sorry play again". So the guy drove around for weeks always getting gas at the same place, because he wanted his free sex. One day he was really ticked: "This has got to be rigged! I have never gotten the number to have free sex!" He screamed. "Oh no! It's not rigged, just ask your wife, she won 3 times last week alone!" N 3: Joke about sex
What's the three words you never want to hear while making love? Honey, I'm home. N 2: Joke about sex
Don't have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them. N 1: Joke about ghosts and sex
At a conference on the supernatural, one of the speakers asked, "Who here has ever seen a ghost?" Most of the hands go up. "And how many of you have had some form of interaction with a ghost?" About half the hands stay up. "OK, now how many of you have had physical contact with a ghost?" Three hands stay up; there's a slight murmur in the crowd. "Gosh, that's pretty good. OK, have any of you ever, uh, been intimate with a ghost?" One hand stays up. The speaker blinks. "Gosh, sir, are you telling us that you've actually had sexual contact with a ghost?" The guy with his hand up suddenly blushes and says, "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you said "goat'." < previous