Funnypedia

N 40: Joke about birds, mouse black
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. N 39: Joke about lawyer black
What’s the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
There are skid marks in front of the dog. N 38: Joke about spider, snoring black
Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts. N 37: Joke black wordplay
How can you tell when a man is well-hung?
When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose. N 36: Joke about face black
Funny offence: With a face like yours, you have a good chance in a lawsuit against your parents. N 35: Joke about coffee black
Before my first cup of coffee I hate everybody. That doesn't change after I've had that coffee, but it feels much better. N 34: Joke about doctor black
Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."
Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"
Doctor: "Nine." N 33: Joke about doctor black
Patient: Oh doctor, I'm just so nervous. This is my first surgery operation.
Doctor: Don't worry. Mine too. N 32: Joke about hunting black
Two guys are out hunting in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't appear to be breathing, his eyes are glazed over. The other man pulls out his phone with trembling fingers and calls 911. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator says "Please stay calm. I will help you.
First of all, let's make sure he's dead."
There's a silence, then a gun shot. The guy gets back on the phone and says "OK, now what?" N 31: Joke about children black
I really don't know which kid I'm supposedly being unfair to, according to my wife, Thomas,
John, or the fat, ugly one? N 30: Joke about suicide, detective black
A detective asks a woman, "So, your husband hanged himself?" Woman replies, "Yes, that is correct." The suspicious detective continues, "But why does he have all those bruises on his head?"
"The old fool used an elastic rope!" N 29: Joke about diarrhea, doctor black
Patient asks his doctor: "Can I take a bath with diarrhea?"
Doctor: "Yes, if you are able to fill it up. " N 28: Joke about barber, shaving black
Today I went to a barber's shop for a shave. The barber asked me to put
a small wooden ball in my mouth so he could get a closer shave around my cheeks.
I asked: "But what if I swallow the ball?"
He replied:
"No problem sir, you just bring it back tomorrow like everybody else." N 27: Joke about husband, wife black
Wife arrives home late at night from a business trip and quietly opens the door to her
bedroom. But she notices four legs instead of two peeking from under the blanket!
Seized by a fit of rage, she reaches for the baseball bat and starts
hitting the blanket until the screaming stops.
Still in shock, she lurches to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.
"Oh welcome home darling," he says, "your parents came
for a visit, so I let them have our bedroom. I hope you said hello." N 26: Joke about death black
A man and his ever nagging wife were on holiday in Jerusalem, when the wife suddenly died.
The funeral company told the man that it would cost 45000 to ship her home or $500 to bury her in Jerusalem.
The husband said "ship her home".
Shocked, the undertaker asked "but sir, why don't you bury her in the Holy Land and save the money?"
The husband replied "a long time ago, a man was buried here and 3 days later, he rose from the dead... I cant take the chance!" N 25: Joke about little johnny black
One day little Johnny was digging a hole in his back yard.
The next-door neighbor spotted him and decided to investigate.
"Hello Johnny, what are you up to?" he asked.
"My goldfish died and I'm gonna bury him," Johnny replied.
"That's a really big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" asked the neighbor.
"That's because he's inside your cat!" N 24: Joke about ads black
A lady puts an ad in the paper that reads: "Recently single and looking for a man that will not run away, not hit me and treat me right in the bedroom."
One day her door bell rings and there is a man with no arms and no legs at the door.
He says: "I am here to answer your ad in the paper. I have no arms so I will not hit you and no legs so I cannot run away."
She says: "What about the good in bed part?"
He says: "How do you think I rang the doorbell?" N 23: Joke black vulgar
A guy is driving his car and finds a friend crying, sitting on the road.
He stops.
And he asks him:
- Hey, What happens to you?
- (crying) Look! and he points a crashed car.
- Well, don't care and buy another car.
- Look inside the car!
- Well, don't care and get another blonde, and that's all.
- Look inside her mouth!!! N 22: Joke black
A 7-year-old boy and a 40-year old man are walking together in a dark forest.
The young boy says, "I'm afraid..." The 40-year-old man replies," You're afraid?!
I have to walk out of here alone!" N 21: Joke about apple, worm black
- Whats worse then finding a worm in your apple?
- To find a half worm in your apple. next >