Funnypedia

< previous N 15: Joke about russia and car
-What occupies the last 6 pages of the Russian Car User's Manual?
-The bus and train timetables. N 14: Joke about sex
At the ripe old age of 77, grandpa had decided to marry a young girl of 20. Grandpa's doctor tried to explain that at his age sex with a young girl could be dangerous, even fatal. Grandpa, not the slightest bit perturbed replied "Oh well, if she dies, I'll just get myself another one." N 13: Joke about birds, mouse black
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. N 12: Joke about coffee black
Before my first cup of coffee I hate everybody. That doesn't change after I've had that coffee, but it feels much better. N 11: Joke about women vulgar
What is the difference between girls aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58 and 68?
At 8 - You take her to bed and tell her a story.
At 18 - You tell her a story and take her to bed.
At 28 - You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed.
At 38 - She tells you a story and takes you to bed.
At 48 - You tell her a story to avoid going to bed.
At 58 - You stay in bed to avoid her story.
At 68 - If you take her to bed, that'll be a story!! N 10: Joke about women and phone
When you're calling a woman, you need to call her twice. First time to give her a chance to find the phone in her handbag, the second time for her to actually answer. N 9: Joke vulgar and priest
The Priest of a small village was very fond of his flock of ten hens and a cockerel.
He kept them in a hen house behind the parish, but one Saturday night, the cockerel was missing.
The priest, suspecting fowl play decided to say something about it at church the next morning.
At Mass, he asked the congregation, has anyone got a cock? To which all the men stood up.
"No,no," he said, somewhat flustered, "that's not what I meant. "Has anybody SEEN a cock?" All the women stood up.
"No, no," he said. "Thats not what I meant either. Has anyone seen a cock that doesn't belong to them." Half the women stood up.
"No, no," He said, now thoroughly embarrassed "Perhaps I should rephrase the question: Has anybody here seen MY cock?" All the choirboys stood up N 8: Joke vulgar and bust
A couple were in their bedroom and the girl says to her boyfriend, 'I wish I had bigger tits'. The boyfriend says 'well what I recommend is to get some toilet tissue and rub it between your tits for 2 months'. 'How will that help to make my tits bigger?' asks the girlfriend.
'Well it worked for your ass' says the boyfriend. N 7: Joke about god, men, dildo vulgar
Why did God even create men?
Because He couldn’t figure out how to make a vibrator that would mow the lawn. N 6: Joke about husband, wife vulgar
A couple married forty years were revisiting the same places they went to on their honeymoon. Driving through the secluded countryside, they passed a ranch with a tall deer fence running along the road. The woman said, "Sweetheart, let's do the same thing we did here forty years ago." The guy stopped the car. His wife backed against the fence, and he immediately jumped her bones like a bass on a junebug. They made love like never before. Back in the car, the guy says, "Darlin", you sure never moved like that forty years ago or any time since that I can remember!" The woman says, "Forty years ago that goddamn fence wasn't electrified!" N 5: Joke about lawyer, wordplay short
-What do lawyers wear to court?
-Lawsuits! N 4: Joke about dwarfs vulgar
Q: Why do dwarfs laugh when they play soccer?
A: The grass tickles their balls. N 3: Joke about doctor and alcohol
Doctor: "Liquor is a slow poison for you."
Patient: "It's all-right. I'm not in a hurry." N 2: Joke about blonde black
A blonde biology student conducts an experiment on grasshoppers.
She pulls off one of its legs at a time and yells, "Hop."
The grasshopper hops each time until all of its legs are gone.
The blonde concludes: when all the legs of a grasshopper are removed, it becomes deaf. N 1: Joke about prostitute, chicken vulgar
What is the difference between a chicken and a prostitute?
Chicken goes cockadoodle do
Prostitute goes any cock will do. < previous