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A woman caught her husband on the weight scale, sucking in his stomach.
"That won't help you, Joe, you know?"
"Oh it helps a lot," says the man, "it's the only way I can see the numbers!"

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Joke about children
A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."
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Yes, money cannot buy you happiness, but I'd still feel a lot more comfortable crying
in a new BMW than on a bike.

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Quote about banker
A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
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